I recently read a survey on "the most hated jobs in America" (via yahoo news). One common theme that frustrated individuals was "no room for growth". This was not so much shocking, but sad. It showed just how backwards our world has become. In America today, many peoples feelings of self worth are tied into their job and how "high up" they have been able to climb. This is unhealthy for several reasons.
The first reason this is unhealthy is because a job is a business contract between an individual and an organization. An organization that was created to make a profit by filling some need or niche. This is important because if one of those things stops happenings (profits or filling needs), the company is required to make changes, some of which may include laying off an employee, dropping salary, eliminating jobs, or relocating in an effort to reduce costs. If those interim steps don't work, the company may shut down altogether. Since this is an ever present risk, why would we tie our feelings of self worth, achievement, and accomplishment to this possibly temporary life experience?
The second reason it isn't good to tie your personal feelings of worth and and satisfaction to your employer is due to the fact that apart from choosing to accept the job or reject it, you get little choice in the actual individuals that make up your work environment. Due to bad hiring practices, nepotism, and a number of other situations - you could end up working for and/or with a jerk. More than a jerk, these individuals can be down right bullies and create an emotionally abusive and hostile work environment. I know people who although they would never enter an abusive marriage, stay in just as an abusive work environment. I get that we all need to eat and sometimes we don't get a chance to break away from a bad work environment, but that doesn't mean you should had over your most intimate emotions and your emotional stability to others you had absolutely no control in choosing to have such a role in your life.
A final thing that was disturbing was the focus on the "opportunity for growth", but growth is more often defined as more money, a better title, and a bigger office. For your professional life's work to be defined in dollars and square footage is sad, mainly because it makes your akin to nothing more than a harlot. The number of people will to wave ever increasing dollar bills in your face tells the world how "good" your are, really? Some of the individuals who have made the most amazing professional contributions to our world weren't necessarily rolling dough - especially at the times they made those contributions. Einstein didn't go to work for the people that paid him the most, but the ones that allowed him the most opportunity to reach professional greatness and impact the world. Dr. George Washington Carver didn't open a bidding war for his expertise, he followed the need. Their worth was internal to themselves and they saw their jobs as an opportunity to be contribute, they didn't allow their jobs to define them and they certainly didn't need to be lap dogs for others, craving external acknowledgement that they were indeed "somebody".
However, the saddest part about this ever increasing phenomenon is that instead of our worth being tied to the people and things that matter, its tied to impersonal business deals, contracts, and employment negotiations. You get to choose your spouse, your friends, and even get to determine the level of relationship you will have with extended family members - wouldn't it make more sense to invent emotional energy into these areas. People often times are willing to sacrifice their marriage and especially their children on the alter or work in hopes of "growth" or a promotion. These same people are then shocked when they get laid off after twenty years - which is usually once those same children whom they barely noticed as they climbed the corporate ladder have left the nest. Its only then that they realized that made the wrong choice. Companies come and go, but relationships "can" live forever. However, they can only live forever in a healthy way if you invest the necessary time, energy, in effort into making them and keeping them healthy. That might mean sacrificing some material wants as you don't put in overtime for a few more dollars. That might mean turning down a promotion that will keep you from seeing your own family for weeks at a time. That might mean taking a job for less pay, but more flexibility. That might mean choosing a healthier work environment - even though it means a less fancy title and prestige.
I am not saying "don't work". Not everyone gets the choice to walk away from their day job to focus on their family. However, once the basics are taken care of, think twice about the things you are doing in order to rise up the ranks in an organization. Is that raise worth it? How much is time with your children worth? How much is a healthy relationship with your spouse worth? How much is your own emotional stability worth? Wouldn't you rather find your peace in the people you have chosen to be in your life, rather than constantly seeking the approval of those who have been assigned to you?
Its funny, this is one of the reasons we chose to home school (not that these should be the choice for everyone). We didn't want our children's lives to revolve around people randomly assigned to them - either as teachers or classmates. We wanted the ability to choose healthy environments for our children to learn in - with teachers we could determine in advanced had not only the knowledge, but the skills to pass on that knowledge to our children in a healthy way. We wanted to be able to choose if an experience with others children was healthy - yes, children will run into bullies and jerks in all kinds of environments. However, what we get to teach our children is they have a choice. If that bully is causing your physical pain or emotional harm - you can quit - you can remove yourself from that situation. Having read too many stories of children that chosen to take their own lives because they couldn't get away from the assigned bully, I embrace and stand by our decision. Having seen many, many adults suffer greatly from bullies and jerks in the workplace - feeling frozen in an unhealthy work environment, not realizing they can quit, they can walk away, that their own lives are more important than money - I again embrace the skills we are imparting in our children from the beginning.
Having started my own journey, where I walked away from the prestige, the money, the titles, and the accolades to embrace my family and the important roles in my life as wife and mother (even with a PhD), I am here to proclaim their is life after the rat race. While I'm not getting that big fat direct deposit every two weeks, my payments come more frequently and have a more lasting value. Watching my children grow, learn, and experience life is something I wouldn't trade for all the money in the world. Being able to support my husband while he supports me back trumps any "contract" - we have covenant which never fails. I think I just might be the richest woman in America today.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Mission Field of the home
I read two books by Sally Clarkston "The Mission of Motherhood" and "The Ministry of Motherhood" and thoroughly enjoyed them. The books were really neat in speaking softly to the voice on the inside of many mothers. While many people are not religious, please take a moment to read beyond and hear the heart of this post.
When missionary's go our into the world, they goal is to bring a message to people that have never heard it before. They understand that before people are ready to hear that message, those people must first have their basic needs met. This is why most mission trips begin with the installation of water treatment facilities, food pantries, or schools and orphanages. Once those basic needs are taken care of, people are ready and open to heart your message. This is known by both saints and tyrants. Go into any area controlled by drug lords or mobsters and you will soon find the generous donations these people make - huge investments in forgotten areas. Once they invest - they generally have safe havens for crime and a ready slew of "foot soldiers" to carry out their bidding. So, this isn't a foreign concept on any soil. Most people with hearts set on winning the lost and better the lives of people know that one must be gentle, kind, caring, compassionate, and patient. Missionary work can be hard, dangerous, at times thankless, and a full life investment. You aren't thinking about sneaking away for a day on the beach or the hole up in a five star hotel - you live right along with the people you are serving, you eat last, you go to bed last, and you bear the weight of the responsibility of the people in your care.
This is why I like the concept of seeing ones home as a mission field. These people, these children - are not born with the knowledge of your culture or customs, don't have completely innate skills for survival and the ability to thrive in their environment. It is you with the burden to first feed and clothe them, then bring them into the knowledge.
When I look at my home as my mission field - it really opened my eyes. This is my ministry, my calling, my circle of influence. My charges are three of the most beautiful, compassionate, loving, caring, and kind people in the entire earth - and I have been trusted with their care. My husband and I have been chosen - out of billions of options - to look after these three. To teach them, instruct them, guide them, develop them, and most importantly, to love them. It was then that it became clear that I was not allowed to pass this responsibility off on others. I could not subcontract this responsibility. While I might "hire out" for a couple of tasks (hey, if you can't make a water purification system - you had better make sure you have someone on the team that can) - it should be occasional. However, the end results, the day to day operations, the heart and soul of it all rests with us.
When missionary's go our into the world, they goal is to bring a message to people that have never heard it before. They understand that before people are ready to hear that message, those people must first have their basic needs met. This is why most mission trips begin with the installation of water treatment facilities, food pantries, or schools and orphanages. Once those basic needs are taken care of, people are ready and open to heart your message. This is known by both saints and tyrants. Go into any area controlled by drug lords or mobsters and you will soon find the generous donations these people make - huge investments in forgotten areas. Once they invest - they generally have safe havens for crime and a ready slew of "foot soldiers" to carry out their bidding. So, this isn't a foreign concept on any soil. Most people with hearts set on winning the lost and better the lives of people know that one must be gentle, kind, caring, compassionate, and patient. Missionary work can be hard, dangerous, at times thankless, and a full life investment. You aren't thinking about sneaking away for a day on the beach or the hole up in a five star hotel - you live right along with the people you are serving, you eat last, you go to bed last, and you bear the weight of the responsibility of the people in your care.
This is why I like the concept of seeing ones home as a mission field. These people, these children - are not born with the knowledge of your culture or customs, don't have completely innate skills for survival and the ability to thrive in their environment. It is you with the burden to first feed and clothe them, then bring them into the knowledge.
When I look at my home as my mission field - it really opened my eyes. This is my ministry, my calling, my circle of influence. My charges are three of the most beautiful, compassionate, loving, caring, and kind people in the entire earth - and I have been trusted with their care. My husband and I have been chosen - out of billions of options - to look after these three. To teach them, instruct them, guide them, develop them, and most importantly, to love them. It was then that it became clear that I was not allowed to pass this responsibility off on others. I could not subcontract this responsibility. While I might "hire out" for a couple of tasks (hey, if you can't make a water purification system - you had better make sure you have someone on the team that can) - it should be occasional. However, the end results, the day to day operations, the heart and soul of it all rests with us.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
What is a child worth?
Like most of the people in this country today, I am still trying to come to terms with the "not guilty" verdict in the Casey Anthony murder trial. Most upsetting is the fact that her defense was that her precious child died "accidentally" and and she and her father hid the body - threw her baby non-apologetically in in the woods and walked away to go party and "get on" with life. Wow - that is your defense! And knowing that this defense actually set her free is making my mind spin wildly. Is this what we have come to? Are children so useless, so unloved in this society that we find it acceptable to just toss their dead bodies into creeks?
In yet, I see a lot of the value placed on children when people speak to me of my decision to come home. Why waste your gifts and talents? Waste? Really? Who best deserves my gifts and talents but my children? Who most deserves my time and my attention but my children? Who most deserves my blood, sweat, and tears buy my children?
I am investing in today and generations from now by ensuring my children are raised and educated in an environment filled with love, direction, encouragement, and yes some selfless sacrifice. I often think about the scripture in Matthew 7:11 and Luke 11:13 - "which both start with: if you, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children". Wow, think about that! Being evil, or "imperfect" there was still a human condition of wanting the best for your children. We have sunk so low that we aren't even capable of that.
I have been utterly shocked and amazed by the people who find it repulsive to even consider staying home and parenting as well as educating their children. I have been told by friends and colleagues that even if they didn't work, they would still put their youngest children in daycare. They can't imagine being home with the child they birthed. So, I am less shocked in the Anthony not guilty verdict. Many people want their children out of their hair, out of their face, out of their lives - even if for only 8 - 10 hours every day.
In yet, I see a lot of the value placed on children when people speak to me of my decision to come home. Why waste your gifts and talents? Waste? Really? Who best deserves my gifts and talents but my children? Who most deserves my time and my attention but my children? Who most deserves my blood, sweat, and tears buy my children?
I am investing in today and generations from now by ensuring my children are raised and educated in an environment filled with love, direction, encouragement, and yes some selfless sacrifice. I often think about the scripture in Matthew 7:11 and Luke 11:13 - "which both start with: if you, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children". Wow, think about that! Being evil, or "imperfect" there was still a human condition of wanting the best for your children. We have sunk so low that we aren't even capable of that.
I have been utterly shocked and amazed by the people who find it repulsive to even consider staying home and parenting as well as educating their children. I have been told by friends and colleagues that even if they didn't work, they would still put their youngest children in daycare. They can't imagine being home with the child they birthed. So, I am less shocked in the Anthony not guilty verdict. Many people want their children out of their hair, out of their face, out of their lives - even if for only 8 - 10 hours every day.
Monday, July 4, 2011
The Fourth of July
I am always struck by the things considered "controversial" today. I actually left a FB group over the celebration of July 4th. As a proud American and born and breed member of the U.S.A., I never would have guessed people would question any American's decision to celebrate the 4th. Yes, during the first 4th there were some people still in the ugly, horrid bondage's of slavery. Given my ancestral background, it may have even been some distant relatives of mine. That is a very ugly scare on this nation's history. While we should never forget that time, lest we forget it - at some point forgiveness, acceptance, and moving on is important as well.
I never experienced the shackles of slavery, nor did my neighbors hold in their hands a whip. How can I judge them for a pain they didn't inflict, a pain I didn't experience. I have decided to let God be a judge of the past, and do what was specifically demanded of me in scripture - to LOVE my neighbor. In the twisted, meddled, and melted pot of the United States - it wouldn't be ironic to find slave owners as well as slaves in my family tree. My neighbor has just as much possibility of finding both branches in their own. Since it is impossible to sort out completely today - why not just look at each other as family. Family understands the imperfections in one another, yet chooses to love each other anyway.
So, to my homeland - with all her imperfections: Happy Independence Day. For I can't think of another place I would rather be at this moment.
I never experienced the shackles of slavery, nor did my neighbors hold in their hands a whip. How can I judge them for a pain they didn't inflict, a pain I didn't experience. I have decided to let God be a judge of the past, and do what was specifically demanded of me in scripture - to LOVE my neighbor. In the twisted, meddled, and melted pot of the United States - it wouldn't be ironic to find slave owners as well as slaves in my family tree. My neighbor has just as much possibility of finding both branches in their own. Since it is impossible to sort out completely today - why not just look at each other as family. Family understands the imperfections in one another, yet chooses to love each other anyway.
So, to my homeland - with all her imperfections: Happy Independence Day. For I can't think of another place I would rather be at this moment.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Why so many love working
Okay, I am going to let people in on a little secret. I know why so many people find my decision to come home to my children so hard to grasp. Here I was, a "professional" - why would I "waste" my gift by leaving the workforce and homeschooling three little kids?
The real reason this is such a shock is because they know what I know - work is fun! No, not always the "job" part of work - the atmosphere! Work is great. Work is like high school without all the burdensome rules and homework. Plus, everyone is an adult!
Let's admit it, kids make us act better. There is just some things you don't say and don't do in front of kid. There are some conversations you just don't have and there are no kids at work. Especially work environments away from the public - oh boy!
Its not just the dishy gossip full of affairs, office romances, and "who said what". There are also the celebrations. You get cake on your birthday! As parents we know you never really get to choose your own cake flavor at home - someone is allergic to nuts, another can't stand strawberries, etc. Not so at work - everyone is an adult and if they don't like German Chocolate Cake too bad - its your birthday! Not to mention the awards and recognition for a job well done. Get a report in on time - you just might an emailing acknowledging your valiant efforts inspite of bureaucracy. Do good for a year - a glowing evaluation. Hey, there may even be money attached to it.
At work you get to great a persona for yourself that is of your own making. Finally able to leave behind the "old you" who was akward or lost being homecoming queen. No, you get to be the new and improved you. And, by the way, people even recognize when you approve a little along the way. Lose ten pounds - several people will say how good you look. Change you hair color or hair style - 10 people come by stating how nice you nice.
Yes, its hard leaving the den of self-congratulations. The place where they will be a party at least once a month with cake and lots of bad foods you would never let your children see you eating. And by the way, you get to bring in the casserole your family hates but you love!
Honestly, I knew it wouldn't be the "work" that I missed; I did wonder about missing the comrade re though. I am a talker and I worked in an office of talkers. There were people in my office who read the same books I liked, we could talk politics and how to save the world. It was fun.
The real reason this is such a shock is because they know what I know - work is fun! No, not always the "job" part of work - the atmosphere! Work is great. Work is like high school without all the burdensome rules and homework. Plus, everyone is an adult!
Let's admit it, kids make us act better. There is just some things you don't say and don't do in front of kid. There are some conversations you just don't have and there are no kids at work. Especially work environments away from the public - oh boy!
Its not just the dishy gossip full of affairs, office romances, and "who said what". There are also the celebrations. You get cake on your birthday! As parents we know you never really get to choose your own cake flavor at home - someone is allergic to nuts, another can't stand strawberries, etc. Not so at work - everyone is an adult and if they don't like German Chocolate Cake too bad - its your birthday! Not to mention the awards and recognition for a job well done. Get a report in on time - you just might an emailing acknowledging your valiant efforts inspite of bureaucracy. Do good for a year - a glowing evaluation. Hey, there may even be money attached to it.
At work you get to great a persona for yourself that is of your own making. Finally able to leave behind the "old you" who was akward or lost being homecoming queen. No, you get to be the new and improved you. And, by the way, people even recognize when you approve a little along the way. Lose ten pounds - several people will say how good you look. Change you hair color or hair style - 10 people come by stating how nice you nice.
Yes, its hard leaving the den of self-congratulations. The place where they will be a party at least once a month with cake and lots of bad foods you would never let your children see you eating. And by the way, you get to bring in the casserole your family hates but you love!
Honestly, I knew it wouldn't be the "work" that I missed; I did wonder about missing the comrade re though. I am a talker and I worked in an office of talkers. There were people in my office who read the same books I liked, we could talk politics and how to save the world. It was fun.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
What is this about?
This is my mom story. The story that has been in the making since I delivered my first child almost six years ago. This is the journey I knew I needed to take, but didn't have the faith to start. This is the is probably the most controversial journey's a woman could travel - the journey home.
I made it look easy. You know, being "Super Woman!" PhD, great job, great husband, and babies on my hip. Yes, I could climb the corporate ladder and STILL be an amazing mom. Heck, I nursed three kids - with two of them being twins! I did the mom thing and the "Dr." thing, and the woman in charge then, and unfortunately I did them all with divided attention.No one complained, heck - even my half efforts were great. But I knew the truth, I wasn't all that super. Once it was obvious my kids needed an educational change, it was time to take the plunge. The plunge into the cool, refreshing, invigorating waters I had always been too scared to jump in to. I was coming home.
Okay, not "all" the way home. I will still teach a class or two each semester, but most will be online. But, I have turned in my corporate cape for the cape that matters most. Super Woman is so "yesterday", I have seen what I can do, what I can accomplish, when my best "work" is outside the confines of my home. I look forward to seeing what happens when I take my corporate prowess and focus it "like a laser" on my castle. I am excited about the future.
I know, most people who know me think I am crazy. You are leaving "what" to do "what"? Yes, I am leaving that to do this, and I am excited. I am ready to admit that wife and mother really are the number one priorities in my life. Oh, I "said" that a lot, but the fact that I was on my blackberry - in the operating room, while they were prepping me for a c-section to deliver my twins tells another story.
I gave the outside world my all - its was great, rewarding, and even sometimes exciting. But, it just never thrilled me as much as that little "I love you mommy" from my daughter or when my boys ran in the room to show me a snail or a worm they caught. Now THAT is exciting.
Of course, like my normal super hero self, I have to take on the whole thing - so not only am I coming home, I will also be homeschooling. But, doesn't every parent want their kids to have a PhD as a teacher? Talk about class size - with a class size of three we will be one of the most exclusive private schools in the world - LOL.
Okay, I'm a little nervous - but that never stopped me before. In fact, it usually excited me and so it is again. I walk with eyes wide open into the new journey - wish me luck!
I made it look easy. You know, being "Super Woman!" PhD, great job, great husband, and babies on my hip. Yes, I could climb the corporate ladder and STILL be an amazing mom. Heck, I nursed three kids - with two of them being twins! I did the mom thing and the "Dr." thing, and the woman in charge then, and unfortunately I did them all with divided attention.No one complained, heck - even my half efforts were great. But I knew the truth, I wasn't all that super. Once it was obvious my kids needed an educational change, it was time to take the plunge. The plunge into the cool, refreshing, invigorating waters I had always been too scared to jump in to. I was coming home.
Okay, not "all" the way home. I will still teach a class or two each semester, but most will be online. But, I have turned in my corporate cape for the cape that matters most. Super Woman is so "yesterday", I have seen what I can do, what I can accomplish, when my best "work" is outside the confines of my home. I look forward to seeing what happens when I take my corporate prowess and focus it "like a laser" on my castle. I am excited about the future.
I know, most people who know me think I am crazy. You are leaving "what" to do "what"? Yes, I am leaving that to do this, and I am excited. I am ready to admit that wife and mother really are the number one priorities in my life. Oh, I "said" that a lot, but the fact that I was on my blackberry - in the operating room, while they were prepping me for a c-section to deliver my twins tells another story.
I gave the outside world my all - its was great, rewarding, and even sometimes exciting. But, it just never thrilled me as much as that little "I love you mommy" from my daughter or when my boys ran in the room to show me a snail or a worm they caught. Now THAT is exciting.
Of course, like my normal super hero self, I have to take on the whole thing - so not only am I coming home, I will also be homeschooling. But, doesn't every parent want their kids to have a PhD as a teacher? Talk about class size - with a class size of three we will be one of the most exclusive private schools in the world - LOL.
Okay, I'm a little nervous - but that never stopped me before. In fact, it usually excited me and so it is again. I walk with eyes wide open into the new journey - wish me luck!
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